In some marriages, although the positive outweighs the negative, what is most often highlighted and discussed is the negative. It is easy to focus on socks left on the bathroom floor, a dirty dish in the living room or even our partner’s failure to communicate as often or as effective as we would like. Yes, all of the items above could drive a person crazy if repeated too often and should absolutely be addressed. However, in the midst of those few bad behaviors, there are quite a few characteristics that sometimes go unnoticed, which if mentioned more often, would not only uplift our spouse, but also improve the health of a marriage.
Whether married or single, people normally respond positively to words and actions that build them up, rather than complaints and those that tear them down. Part of being in a committed partnership is knowing our mate. We are aware of what makes them feel good and boosts their ego. There are specific words that our spouses must hear frequently. If you are not sure, allow me to share a few:
1. “I Trust You.” These are three extremely powerful words when said and even more so when shown. Both partners need to feel trusted to do the right thing by their spouse and to make the right decisions for their family. A wife trusting the decisions her husband might make for the household or a husband trusting the instruction his wife is providing for the children speaks volumes and creates a powerful as well as peaceful atmosphere.
2. “I Love You Just As You Are.” Although we all mature and improve with age, it is not in our spouse’s power to change us. As long as they see maturation and growth in the right direction, they should continue to love us, as they did when the marriage began.
3. “You Are Beautiful/Handsome.” Who doesn’t need to hear they look good? Especially those days our appearance is struggling or after we’ve put on a little weight, what better way to make us feel good than to tell us how good we look.
4. “You Turn Me On.” We can assume our spouse was attracted enough to us to begin a relationship and later marriage. But just because they were crazy about us then doesn’t mean they still feel that same way. It is good to hear it every once in a while. It feels good to still be considered hot or sexy, especially after years of marriage, children and life changes.
5. “You Add to My Life.” In order for our spouse to speak these words, we must make sure we are doing just that (and not taking away). Most people’s goals center on joy and happiness. Ultimately we all want to be happy. We need people in our life who contribute to that happiness and our spouse should be contributor #1.
6. “You Make Me Feel Safe.” In addition to the happiness listed above, a feeling of security is also a priority. It is important to feel safe in regards to not being hurt as well as not feeling judged. We all want a safe place that allows us the space to totally be who we are. A place where we don’t have to be perfect. Being able to provide that for our spouse makes us feel good also.
7. “You Take Great Care Of Our Family.” Although we don’t do what we do for the reward, it is still a great feeling to know that we are appreciated.
We may feel that our spouses already know how we feel about them, but believe me it truly feeds the spirit to hear it said every once in a while.
