As a couple there must be several bonding factors. You should be Compatible in areas such as common interests, hobbies and activities. It’s not necessary to be 100 percent compatible regarding everything, because you want to introduce your spouse to new things and vice versa.
The second “C” and one of the MOST vital components of a relationship is Communication. Communication is twofold because it consists of communicating effectively, but also LISTENING as your partner communicates to you. A healthy marriage must be one that is saturated in communication. Communication is the MOST EFFECTIVE way to guard your marriage against infiltrators. Here are some key points regarding the best way to communicate with your spouse:
- Emotionally inebriated. The manner/tone in which you communicate is very important. Never speak to your spouse when you are emotionally drunk; it is always much more effective when you have a sober mind. You are able to think clearly and express your thoughts better. If not, when you try to relay your position, it will be laced with emotions and more than likely you won’t get the response you desire.
- I’ve got my finger on the trigger. Be mindful of trigger word such as “you ALWAYS” or “you NEVER,” as those are definitive words and will automatically make your spouse defensive. It is also very important to LISTEN and not cut your spouse off, and listen without forming a rebuttal in your head.
- Got to be real. Remember your spouse’s feelings are always VALID, and should not be ridiculed even if you disagree. What your spouse feels is REAL to him or her and should be taken into consideration.
- Behind enemy lines. If our spouses are telling us something about ourselves that we might not like hearing, remember our spouses have our BEST interest at heart, and they are NOT our enemy. We can’t take the stance that they are being malicious regarding their motive. We are supposed to strengthen and sharpen one another.
- Borrowed vision. It’s important to understand your spouse’s position and perspective, and to do that, we have to step back and look through their eyes. It’s frustrating to be misunderstood; especially by your spouse.
- When you move, I move. If your spouse feels like they need to step away, RESPECT their decision. Following your spouse from room to room, attempting to force he or she to talk will not yield positive results. Even if you don’t feel like a break is necessary, again be respectful of what your spouse needs in spite of whatever emotion you are feeling.
Last but not least is Cooperation. Marriage is a partnership, two people working together, operating from the same agenda, towards the same goal. Marriage is team work, each player understanding their position and playing it well. Implementing the three C’s, combined with love, dedication, perseverance (and with God in the center), are the bricks that will lay a solid foundation toward building a successful union.
