By Dr. Dwayne L. Buckingham
Love is definitely needed in any relationship that will endure for any period of time; however, love is simply an emotion that has no meaning unless something is done to sustain it. Love without work does not last. After the exhilarating feeling of being in love weakens, reality sets in and the dynamics of being in a committed relationship, to include; building and maintaining a life together, adjusting to career shifts, parental responsibilities, occasional in-law dilemmas and life stressors in general begin to take a toll on the relationship. With this in mind, it is important to select a mate who is willing to work.
Five Jobs That Must Be Performed in Every Relationship:
Job #1: Validate emotions. The root cause of most relational conflict is caused by invalidation of emotions. How a person feels is real to him or her. The quickest way to resolve emotional distress is to recognize and respect it. This does not mean that you will always understand or agree with your significant other’s emotions; simply validate them.
Job #2: Schedule positive reflection time; identify five things you really love about your significant other and spend time reflecting on them
Job #3: Spend quality time with your significant other. Quantity is not the same as quality. Existing in the same house equates to quantity time, but does not necessarily equate to quality. Meaningful interactions and conversations fall in the realm of quality time.
Job #4: Support your significant other’s educational, professional and personal goals. Every desire or idea is worth discussing. Hear him or her out before you make a decision or pass judgment. Demonstrate patience, respect and common courtesy. The latter behaviors will enable your significant other to speak freely to you without fear or hesitation.
Job #5: Let your significant other know that you are proud to be with him or her. Demonstrate your fondness through your actions. Do little things to show them how happy you are to be with them.
If you perform the five jobs listed above, you can significantly increase your chances of making your relationship last forever. In my personal and professional experience, I have learned that relationships are 1% Love and 99% Work. Do not enter a relationship believing that love will conquer all. It is important for individuals to be aware of what typically happens in relationships from beginning to end. Bad relationships usually do not occur overnight. Generally speaking, a large percent of relationships fail due to a lack of work, not love. Do the work and your relationship will last forever.
